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Say Yes to Drugs
Gay Theology - part 1
by: AmazingLarry
Posted: 05/14/00         Score: 3.2         Votes: 500
This is what happens when you bring your gay baiting persona into the Christian Chat Room. This part is where she tries to convert me or something while I argue that Jesus was gay. In Part 2, you will read how she tries an intervention in a private chat room with one of her friends. Is it funny? Who the fuck knows?
kckn4Christ: praying for you
AmazingLarry: Cool! I will pray for you as well, my brother.
AmazingLarry: I'm sorry...sister...
kckn4Christ: lol
kckn4Christ: question-
kckn4Christ: ure not serious about the whole havin sex thing with guys and crap right
AmazingLarry: Yes....I am very serious about having sex with guys and crap.
kckn4Christ: well even if you were havin sex with girls and crap its still wrong..but thats why im prayin for yo
AmazingLarry: Why is having sex wrong?
kckn4Christ: because your not married
AmazingLarry: Jesus was never married and he had sex.
kckn4Christ: its a gift from God to be shared with someone later in life when God sends you someone so awesome and thats somethin that only the two of you share
kckn4Christ: he most certainly did not
AmazingLarry: God just tends to send me a lot of awesome people....and I usually just end up fucking their brains out. Man, it's good to be a Christian!
AmazingLarry: Sure, he did! Don't you remember that Bible story?
kckn4Christ: oh please refresh my memory
kckn4Christ: in 1 john it states 3 times that if you continue to sin then you have not known the Father nor me
AmazingLarry: Well, I don't remember the specific verse or chapter......But Jesus is talking to his desciples...and suddenly he goes down on Peter, and gives him a blowjob. John the Baptist comes and they have a three-way. It's a very touching tale.
kckn4Christ: please tell me your jokin
AmazingLarry: Well, John is usually viewed as the 'comedic' part of the Bible.
kckn4Christ: its not in any part of the Bible
AmazingLarry: I am not joking. I swear I read that somewhere.....
kckn4Christ: its not
AmazingLarry: Of course, it might have been in a porno mag....I get them and the Bible mixed up a lot.
AmazingLarry: Next you are going to try and tell me Jesus wasn't gay.
kckn4Christ: all i have to say is dont call yourself a Christina which means little Christ if you are going to defy Him and male fun of Him
kckn4Christ: its very offensive and one day you will have to face Him and answer for that as he shoes you his nailed scarred hands which your sins and mine put Him up there
AmazingLarry: I don't call myself Christina. My name is Larry. I am not making fun of Christ. He was the first gay male celebrity. Deal with it, honey! *snaps fingers*
kckn4Christ: i meant Christian
AmazingLarry: Well, if I do meet him, I will tell him what a hottie he is. Then I will lick his wounds and make them better. We will kiss passionately and then have Heavenly sex.....
kckn4Christ: im sorry
AmazingLarry: And God will be recording it....then we will sell the tape on the Internet.
AmazingLarry: Don't apologize. It's okay.
kckn4Christ: im sorry that you have to miss the awesome feeling of peace that only Christ can give, and homosexuality is wrong, and i love you because your my brother in Christ-its your lifestyle i hate
kckn4Christ: im praying for you-
AmazingLarry: You think they stuck Jesus up on that cross because he was the son of God? No, it's because he was gay! Those homophobes were afraid of such a powerful gay man....I mean, who else but a gay man would turn water into wine????
kckn4Christ: as we speak and Chrsit will hear me
kckn4Christ: They didnt stick Jesus up there-Jesus willingly went as a sacrifice for our sins so that one day we can spent eternity with Him
AmazingLarry: Homosexuality isn't wrong!!! You make your Lord and Savior's ears burn when you talk such nonsense!
kckn4Christ: its written in red from the big man Himself
AmazingLarry: No, Jesus did it willingly so he could come back in the 1970s and become part of the Village People. He always had a dream of being in showbiz.
AmazingLarry: The Big Man Himself? Rock Hudson?
kckn4Christ: i have one question
AmazingLarry: Question away.
kckn4Christ: if you were to die at this very moment and your heart were to stop-
kckn4Christ: where would you spend eternity
kckn4Christ: ?
AmazingLarry: I like to think I would go to Heaven and spead eternity with all the great gay Angels...We would spend our time in a dinner theater/ hot dance club called 'The Man Hole'.......There, Jesus and I would have romantic rendevous.....
kckn4Christ: if you go to God he can forgive you
kckn4Christ: and i forgive-you just dont know what your missing
kckn4Christ: and my heart cries out 4 you so much
AmazingLarry: I'm hoping Jesus is hung like a horse.....Of course, I bet he can make me cum by just blinking his eye. He's good like that.
AmazingLarry: Honey, you better get on the bandwagon now. Start waving your rainbow covered flag and start singing showtunes....Or else you might be going to Hell!
kckn4Christ: im sorry im leaving i cant hear anymore of you persecuting, and making fun of the very one who gave you life and gave up his 4 you to live-
kckn4Christ: What Is Crucifixion?
>> > >
>> > > A medical doctor provides a physical
>> > > description:
>> > >
>> > > The cross is placed on the ground and the
>> > > exhausted man is quickly
>> > > thrown backwards with his shoulders against the
>> > > wood. The legionnaire
>> > > feels for the depression at the front of the
>> > > wrist. He drives a heavy,
>> > > square wrought iron nail through the wrist deep
>> > > into the wood.
>> > > Quickly he moves to the other side and repeats
>> > > the action, being
>> > > careful not to pull the arms too tightly, but
>> > > to allow some flex and
>> > > movement. The cross is then lifted into place.
>> > > The left foot is pressed
>> > > backward against the right foot, and with both
>> > > feet extended, toes

AmazingLarry: Oh God....I'm shoving a cross up my ass now...Oh sweet, Jesus, please take Communion from my asshole....
kckn4Christ: down, a nail is driven through the arch of
>> > > each, leaving the knees
>> > > flexed.
>> > >
>> > > The victim is now crucified. As he slowly sags
>> > > down with more weight
>> > > on the nails in the wrists, excruciating fiery
>> > > pain shoots along the
>> > > fingers and up the arms to explode in the
>> > > brain- the nails in the
>> > > wrists are putting pressure on the median
>> > > nerves. As he pushes himself
>> > > upward to avoid this stretching torment, he
>> > > places the full weight on
>> > > the nail through his feet.
>> > >
>> > > Again He feels the searing agony as the nail is tearing through the
>> > > nerves between the bones of his feet. As the
>> > > arms fatigue, cramps
>> > > sweep through his muscles, knotting them with deep
>> > > relentless, throbbing
>> > > pain. With these cramps comes the inability to
>> > > push himself upward to
>> > > breathe.
>> > >
>> > > Air can be drawn into the lungs but not
>> > > exhaled. He fights to raise
>> > > himself in order to get even one small breath.
>> > > Finally, carbon dioxide
>> > > builds up in the lungs and in the blood stream,
>> > > and the cramps
>> > > partially subside.
>> > >

kckn4Christ: Spasmodically, he is able to push himself
>> > > upward to exhale and bring
>> > > in life-giving oxygen. Hours of limitless pain,
>> > > cycles of twisting,
>> > > joint wrenching cramps, intermittent partial
>> > > asphyxiation, searing
>> > > pain as tissue is torn from his lacerated back
>> > > as he moves up and down
>> > > against rough timber.
>> > >
>> > > Then another agony begins: a deep, crushing
>> > > pain deep in the chest as
>> > > the pericardium slowly fills with serum and
>> > > begins to compress the
>> > > heart. It is now almost over-the loss of tissue
>> > > fluids has reached a
>> > > critical level-the compressed heart is
>> > > struggling to pump heavy,
>> > > thick, sluggish blood into the tissues-the
>> > > tortured lungs are making
>> > > frantic effort to gasp in small gulps of air.
>> > > He can feel the chill of
>> > > death creeping through his tissues...Finally,
>> > > he can allow his body to
>> > > die...All this the Bible records with the
>> > > simple words, "and they
>> > > crucified Him"(Mark 15:24).
>> > >
>> > > What wondrous love is this? Many people don't
>> > > know that pain and
>> > > suffering our Lord, Jesus Christ went through
>> > > for us...because of the
>> > > brutality, crucifixion was given a sentence to
>> > > only its worst
>> > > offenders of the law. Thieves, murderers, and
>> > > rapists would be the
>> > > types of creeps who got crucified. Yet, here
>> > > Jesus is being crucified
>> > > between two hardened criminals...What did Jesus
>> > > do? Did he murder
>> > > anyone? Did he steal anything? The answer as we
>> > > all know is NO!! Jesus
>> > > did nothing to deserve this type of death, yet
>> > > he went willing to die,
>> > > in between 2 thieves, so that we might be
>> > > saved. And there, in between
>> > > the sinners, was our slain savior for our sins.
>> > >
>> > > Romans 10:9 "If you confess with you mouth that
>> > > Jesus is Lord and
>> > > BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART that God raised him from
>> > > the dead, you will be
>> > > saved." Saying this with sincerity is all you
>> > > have to do, but it's
>> > > amazing because there are so many people out
>> > > there that can't do it.
>> > >
>> > > Even more amazing is that someone will read
>> > > this e-mail about what he
>> > > went through and still won't do it.
>> > >
>> > > Passing this on won't get you Good Luck,

AmazingLarry: Oh God....all that sexy talk about crosses is going to make me cum......
AmazingLarry: Poor Jesus......I would have torn him down from that cross and fucked his brains out....
AmazingLarry: I hear that Jesus had a stuntman do that crucifiction bit though...I don't blame him.
kckn4Christ: "Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven." Matthew 10:32-33
kckn4Christ: Chrsit suffered for you Himself
kckn4Christ: his blood was poured not spilled
AmazingLarry: Mark 11:10:43.....'And Jesus said, "Which one of you Disciples will violate my ass next? I perform all of these miracles, but what about my needs? Is it too much to ask for someone to make the Son of God's ass bleed? And did anyone get those tickets to 'Cats' like I asked?"
kckn4Christ: i cant take anymore-im prayoing for you and god loves you and he will forgive you if you go to Hima nd ask him into your heart
kckn4Christ: then your eternal destination may be changed
kckn4Christ: if you are not already saved
kckn4Christ: good night i hope you have an awesome evening and you will have a group of people praying for you
AmazingLarry: John 21:01:01 'And so Jesus took upon the role of Cub Scout Leader. Everyone was happy, until the children all came home crying with bruises on their buttocks. When questioned, a drunken Jesus pleaded ignorance and threatened eternal damnation to those who contined the inquiry.'
kckn4Christ: tom at church you are going to be a prayer request
AmazingLarry: Okay....please be specific....My name is 'Amazing Larry'......
kckn4Christ: no i wont be
kckn4Christ: because you should eb ashamed
kckn4Christ: i know you better than you think
AmazingLarry: And kiss Jesus' sweet legs and abs for me....
kckn4Christ: and i might just live kinda close
kckn4Christ: so theres no way im going to be specific
kckn4Christ: good night
kckn4Christ: bye
kckn4Christ: God Loves You and he died for you-please read that email i copied and pasted 4 you
AmazingLarry: Cool....maybe I can come over and have sex one night...I can switch hit when need be. Bring a cute friend though...Preferably a youth pastor.
AmazingLarry: God died for me? That heroic bastard....
kckn4Christ: he wasnt tryin to be a hero-he was savin your life and givin you hope
AmazingLarry: Well, all he's done for me is give me a heavenly boner.
kckn4Christ: well then you obviously havent met him yet because he acn give you so much more-besides it was not God that gave you that
AmazingLarry: Yeah.....God gave me a boner. And that's all I want from him though. Of course, he still calls like a nuiscance. I tell him that it's over...he cries...we have makeup sex....we break up...it's a cycle.
AmazingLarry: He doesn't understand that I used him to get to his hunky son......I want that jock miracle making bitch.
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