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Me and Mr Jones
by: Doug Stanhope
Posted: 07/10/01         Score: 3.5         Votes: 500
My girlfriend used to tell me "You only hear what you want to hear". She should meet this guy.
CJBWKPa: hello
Doug Stanhope: Hello!
CJBWKPa: 21 m pa here what about you
Doug Stanhope: Read my profile.
CJBWKPa: oh sorry
CJBWKPa: so you like older men
Doug Stanhope: Yes I do, the older the better.
CJBWKPa: i see you dont like anyone under 20
Doug Stanhope: I really dont like many under 40. Thats when they seem to get their shit together.
CJBWKPa: oh i see
Doug Stanhope: I guy cant seem to find my clit until 35.
Doug Stanhope: a guy*
CJBWKPa: really
Doug Stanhope: Really. I fucked my phys/ed teacher who's only 26 and he had to be the worst peice of ass on earth.
CJBWKPa: ouch
CJBWKPa: my gf compliments me all the time becuase the sex gets better ever time we do it becuase i find more spots that she enjoys
Doug Stanhope: Ouch is right. Jammed it in my ass like we were in prison. Had a prolapsed rectum for nearly 3 weeks.
Doug Stanhope: Wow, you have a girlfriend and you cyber 14 year old girls?
CJBWKPa: she went buck wild the first time we had sex becuase i licked her clit for like 20 mins
CJBWKPa: not all the time
Doug Stanhope: Whats your girlfriends name?
CJBWKPa: Vanessa
Doug Stanhope: Doesn't she care that your profile says the some whore named Julie is hot?
CJBWKPa: julie is like a sister to me
CJBWKPa: she understands
Doug Stanhope: Would you fuck your sister?
CJBWKPa: no but julie isn't my sister
Doug Stanhope: Would you fuck Julie?
CJBWKPa: oh yes
Doug Stanhope: So you would fuck your sister.
Doug Stanhope: Nothing wrong with that.
CJBWKPa: if she was as hot as julie or vanessa yes
CJBWKPa: u there
Doug Stanhope: I fucked both my brothers, my cousin Stephan, our landlord, two of my Dad's fishing buddies, Carlos who did the aluminum siding, a cop that works at our school, my speech therapist Mrs Donahue, Larry Tangelo from Northbridge, four guys from the yearbook staff and Dave.
Doug Stanhope: Dave wasn't so good.
CJBWKPa: how were your brothers
Doug Stanhope: My brothers were the best, cuz they know what I like.
CJBWKPa: cool
Doug Stanhope: But I only let Seamus get the ass when we DP cuz his dick is little.
Doug Stanhope: I loooove little dicks.
Doug Stanhope: And trial size shampoos.
CJBWKPa: cool
Doug Stanhope: Whats your sn mean?
CJBWKPa: CJ is my first and middle inital
CJBWKPa: bwk is my hometown abbreviation and pa is the state i live in
Doug Stanhope: Do they call you CJ?
CJBWKPa: yes
Doug Stanhope: So what are you up for?
CJBWKPa: anything you want
Doug Stanhope: You IM'd me.
CJBWKPa: you into roleplay
Doug Stanhope: Heck ya!
CJBWKPa: what is your fav
Doug Stanhope: Anything new!
CJBWKPa: what would be new for you
Doug Stanhope: Try me, quit dancing and role play!
CJBWKPa: sorry
CJBWKPa: how about best friends dad
Doug Stanhope: Cool!
CJBWKPa: ok
CJBWKPa: you knock on y door
Doug Stanhope: *knock knock*
CJBWKPa: what is your name
Doug Stanhope: I'm Kelli, Thaddeus' friend from school.
Doug Stanhope: Is he home?
CJBWKPa: no he isn't he is away for the weekend with his mother
CJBWKPa: nice to meet you kelli i am mr jones
Doug Stanhope: Oh, poor guy, He always says his Mother is a wicked cunt and how he'd like to set her on fire and beat her with a shovel as she dies.
CJBWKPa: really?
Doug Stanhope: Yes. But you know Thaddeus!
Doug Stanhope:
Doug Stanhope: Can I come in and sit for a minute?
CJBWKPa: yea i do
CJBWKPa: come in and sit down kelli
Doug Stanhope: I just had an abortion and I'm real sore.
CJBWKPa: sure thing
Doug Stanhope: I think they may have botched it cuz I'm still bleeding.
Doug Stanhope: Maybe there's something we could put on it?
Doug Stanhope: Hello? Mr Jones?
Doug Stanhope: Wow, I knew I shouldn't have tried to cyber someone so young. You never know what your doing.
CJBWKPa: sure did they tell you to put anything on it
CJBWKPa: yes i am here kelli
CJBWKPa: i said did they tell you to put anything on it
Doug Stanhope: They didn't tell me anything...
Doug Stanhope: they didn't even speak English.
CJBWKPa: oh what do you think would work kelli
Doug Stanhope: They work out of an adandoned dormitory on the old campus.
CJBWKPa: thanks isn't good kelli
CJBWKPa: they probably didn't do it right
Doug Stanhope: I don't know, you're the parent!
Doug Stanhope: Maybe you should check it.
CJBWKPa: well let me take a look kelli
Doug Stanhope: *rips down her pants to show an mangled vagina, heaving clotted blood like a war wound*
Doug Stanhope: *starts to weep*
Doug Stanhope: Do I need stitches?
CJBWKPa: oh god kelli that isnt good
Doug Stanhope: What do we do?
CJBWKPa: well let me take a closer look
Doug Stanhope: *an arc of sticky crimson hits you in the eye*
CJBWKPa: i wipe it from my eye
CJBWKPa: lay down kelli
Doug Stanhope: Ok.
Doug Stanhope: *lays down*
CJBWKPa: i go and get a towel
Doug Stanhope: * you see that my vagina and anus are torn into one giant hole, big enough to handle your massive, girthy man-hammer*
Doug Stanhope: I hope these aren't your good sheets!
Doug Stanhope:
CJBWKPa: i wipe your vagina clean
CJBWKPa: no they aren't
Doug Stanhope: Ouch! Be gentle.
CJBWKPa: ok
CJBWKPa: i wipe again
Doug Stanhope: Can I call you Daddy? You are much more caring than my own Dad.
CJBWKPa: sure kelli
Doug Stanhope: Daddy, why can't I have orgasms like other girls?
CJBWKPa: i bet you can honey
CJBWKPa: you just have to be with the right guy
Doug Stanhope: But all the guys I meet are homos and pedophiles.
CJBWKPa: well that isn't good baby
Doug Stanhope: Can you show me how to have an orgasm?
CJBWKPa: i wipe you vagina clean
CJBWKPa: there you are all cleaned up kelli
Doug Stanhope: Mmmmm. Don't smell it, it's bad.
Doug Stanhope: Throw the towel away.
CJBWKPa: i throw the towel away
Doug Stanhope: Now iwll you show me?
Doug Stanhope: will*
CJBWKPa: you want me to give you an orgasm baby
Doug Stanhope: Could you?
Doug Stanhope: You are so nice.
CJBWKPa: i pull down my pants
CJBWKPa: you want me to use this on you baby
Doug Stanhope: Wow, what a big cock! I'm scared it will tear my roto-tilled vag-patch to shreds!
Doug Stanhope: But I guess it already is, so what the heck!
CJBWKPa: ok baby you ready
Doug Stanhope: Show me love!
Doug Stanhope: *I bend over the window sill and arch my ass up in the air*
CJBWKPa: i move into position and slide my cock into your vagina
Doug Stanhope: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ooooooh!
CJBWKPa: i start to pump my huge cock in and out of your pussy
Doug Stanhope: Pump me, Father, for I have sinned.
CJBWKPa: i reach under you and start to rub your clit as i fill your pussy with my cock
Doug Stanhope: I can feel my wetness dripping down my legs.
CJBWKPa: i slide my cock out of your vagina and slide it slowly into your ass
Doug Stanhope: * I look down to see blood cascading out of my vagina*
Doug Stanhope: OHmyGawd!
CJBWKPa: i reach into the dresser drawer and pull out a dildo and slide it into your pussy as i pump you ass
Doug Stanhope: *As you exit my pussy, the unborn fetus falls to the floor with a wet thud*
Doug Stanhope: The didn't even finish the job, those assholes!
Doug Stanhope: But *you* did!
CJBWKPa: i slide the dildo back into your pussy
Doug Stanhope: * I bend over again, relieved*
Doug Stanhope: Slide it up me, turn it on high to shake loose all the leftover mucus and tissues.
CJBWKPa: i continue to pump you ass with my cock as i turn the dildo on inside you
Doug Stanhope: *As you do me from behind, I look out the window only to see your wife, engulfed in flames and young Thaddeus behind her beating her with a snow-shovel*
Doug Stanhope: Oh Jiminy Christmas, he did it!
Doug Stanhope: What should we do???
CJBWKPa: nothing
CJBWKPa: i continue to pump your ass with my cock and the dildo on high inside your pussy
Doug Stanhope: * continue to let you sodomize my 14 yr old body as I watch your wife burn to death on the front lawn. Neighbors circle but are afraid to stop the carnage*
CJBWKPa: i rub your clit slowly
Doug Stanhope: I can smeel burning hair and it's making me horny.
Doug Stanhope: smell*
Doug Stanhope: Do you like that?
CJBWKPa: yes i do honey
Doug Stanhope: Wow, I just saw one of her eyes explode from the heat!
CJBWKPa: oh god kelli i am going to cum
Doug Stanhope: Wait!
CJBWKPa: what baby
Doug Stanhope: Don't come til I do!
Doug Stanhope: I'm close
CJBWKPa: ok baby
CJBWKPa: i pump your ass harder and rub your clit harder
Doug Stanhope: *Thaddeus runs in, clumps of your wife's hair still burning on the end of his shovel*
CJBWKPa: cum with me baby
Doug Stanhope: Dad, I'm home!
CJBWKPa: yes thaddeus that is good
Doug Stanhope: What are you doing to Kelli???
CJBWKPa: i am making her orgasm
Doug Stanhope: *e takes off his clothes, mighty and erect from the torching, bum-rushes you and starts to fuck your ass*
Doug Stanhope: He*
CJBWKPa: oh god yes this is great
Doug Stanhope: I start to lose the contents of my bowels all over your cock.
CJBWKPa: oh yes baby
CJBWKPa: i am going to cum kelli
Doug Stanhope: *haddeus dips his dick in it and fucks your mouth*
Doug Stanhope: My own cock is getting hard like rock.
CJBWKPa: oh really???
Doug Stanhope: My balls swell with jism and pride.
Doug Stanhope: I pull your head down onto it, lesions and infection dripping from it like Christmas tinsel.
Doug Stanhope: Suck my dirty man-piston, Mr Jones.
Doug Stanhope: Hello? Mr Jones? Did you come yet?
Doug Stanhope: Cuz after you come in me, I want you to feltch me like you aint eaten in a week.
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