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Redneck Love
by: Doug Stanhope
Posted: 07/16/01         Score: 3.8         Votes: 500
Rednecks don't have time for romance.
wv4x4redneck1: hello
Doug Stanhope
: Hi, cutie!
wv4x4redneck1: u like to cyber
wv4x4redneck1
: u have a pic
wv4x4redneck1
: hello
Doug Stanhope
: I don't have a pic but I loooove cyber!
wv4x4redneck1: well do u want to
wv4x4redneck1
: ur 12 and u no all about sex
wv4x4redneck1
: r u there
Doug Stanhope
: I guess so. Tell me something about you, something deep and meanigful so I don't feel like a whore.
Doug Stanhope: Yes, I am here, Mr Snappy-pants.
wv4x4redneck1: my dick is 7 inches if hard
wv4x4redneck1
: i love u
wv4x4redneck1
: ur good in bed
Doug Stanhope
: Wow, you ARE good!
wv4x4redneck1: now will u work your magic
wv4x4redneck1
: im like really horny so could u tell me some good stuff
Doug Stanhope
: Sure, but first tell me some of the crazy and exciting things you've done sexually in the past.
wv4x4redneck1: well ive ebnn all the way with 2 girls
wv4x4redneck1
: been*
Doug Stanhope
: How old are you?
wv4x4redneck1: 21
wv4x4redneck1
: how old r u
Doug Stanhope
: 12.
wv4x4redneck1: how old r u
wv4x4redneck1
: do u have boobs yet
Doug Stanhope
: You read my profile, you know how old I am.
Doug Stanhope: Yes I do!
wv4x4redneck1: wut size
Doug Stanhope
: They are kinda nub-like with the big bulbous areola.
wv4x4redneck1: good enough for me
wv4x4redneck1
: u a virgin
Doug Stanhope
: Fuck no!
wv4x4redneck1: how old were the peopkle u had sex with
Doug Stanhope
: 17, 27, 71, 61, 30, 30, 35, 8, 22, 20, and 15.
wv4x4redneck1: where do u live
Doug Stanhope
: The 15 year old got me pregnant.
Doug Stanhope: Las Vegas.
wv4x4redneck1: do ur parents no
Doug Stanhope
: Yes they do!
wv4x4redneck1: r u pretty
Doug Stanhope
: Beauty is on the inside. You whattya say you hurry up and get inside me!
wv4x4redneck1: reallly
wv4x4redneck1
: now will u tell me from start to finish how we would get it on
Doug Stanhope
: Tell me what kinky and outrageous things you did with those two girls!
wv4x4redneck1: well i dont really no we just had regular sex
Doug Stanhope
: We're either of them your sister? I heard rednecks do that.
wv4x4redneck1: do u have any pics of any one naked
wv4x4redneck1
: no they werent
wv4x4redneck1
: will u please tell me now
wv4x4redneck1
: please
Doug Stanhope
: So you really havent done anything?
wv4x4redneck1: had reguular in the pussy sex
wv4x4redneck1
: will u please tell me stuff now please
Doug Stanhope
: Ok, I'll give you the cyber of your life but you remember who taught you the ropes!
wv4x4redneck1: ok
wv4x4redneck1
: will u tell me form start to finish how we would do it
Doug Stanhope
: Lets say we are on your farm...
wv4x4redneck1: ok
Doug Stanhope
: You are out in the fields barefoot with cowshit caked in between your toes.
wv4x4redneck1: will u get on with the sex
Doug Stanhope
: You are wearing overalls by OshKoshB'Gosh, no shirt underneath and two-day-old rebel flag boxers.
wv4x4redneck1: are u going tto tell me sex or not
Doug Stanhope
: I have to set it up properly so you come really hard.
Doug Stanhope: It's all in the details.
wv4x4redneck1: just tell me abou thte sex between us
Doug Stanhope
: Relax and start jacking off.
wv4x4redneck1: ur nto even making me hard by telling me this stuff
wv4x4redneck1
: i am trying to
wv4x4redneck1
: start with the sex
Doug Stanhope
: I'm doing it for me too, asshole. There's two of us here and only ONE of us has done any kind of real sex.
Doug Stanhope: So anyway...
wv4x4redneck1: ssosrryr
wv4x4redneck1
: sorry
wv4x4redneck1
: just horny
Doug Stanhope
: I approach you on the farm and tell you my car has broken down and that I am being chased by thick negroes.
Doug Stanhope: Just the word makes your cock hard. I see it and smile.
Doug Stanhope: "Weeeeell, whut choo wantin me to do about it, Ms Puuurty?" says you in the local dialect of the uneducated.
Doug Stanhope: "Could you put me up for the night, maybe?" says I like a whore.
wv4x4redneck1: go faster please
Doug Stanhope
: "Well only if you suck my big, crooked hillbilly pecker!" says you and you tart jumping around snorting laughter like a pig.
wv4x4redneck1: go faster
Doug Stanhope
: You throw me over your shoulder and carry me up the stairs.
Doug Stanhope: The bedspread on your bed is purple.
wv4x4redneck1: go on
Doug Stanhope
: I ask why you like purple and you say it's beacuse you enjoy Prince and his music, but not so much the later releases.
wv4x4redneck1: hey hurry up please
Doug Stanhope
: I say Purple rain was the only good CD he has and we drop it.
wv4x4redneck1: HURRY UP
Doug Stanhope
: I ask you if you have anything to eat as you stand their with your beautiful member staring out at me.
Doug Stanhope: You say you have hominy grits.
wv4x4redneck1: TYPE FASTER
Doug Stanhope
: "Ive never had grits" says I.
Doug Stanhope: "Youve never had grits?" says you.
Doug Stanhope: "NO, I never had grits" says I.
Doug Stanhope: I cant beleive you have never tried grits" says you.
wv4x4redneck1: START PLEASING ME SEXUALLY, SAYS I AND ILL GIVE U SOME
Doug Stanhope
: Ok!
Doug Stanhope: You begin preparing the grits while I slowly undress.
Doug Stanhope: I peel of my hospital gown to reveal my bandages.
wv4x4redneck1: I SAY U LL HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK NOW OR UR NOT GETTING ANY
Doug Stanhope
: My bosom heaves under the ointments, salves and lotions.
Doug Stanhope: I crave dick sooo bad but you are only interested in cooking grits.
wv4x4redneck1: START SUCKING NOW OR UR NOT GETTING ANY
wv4x4redneck1
: OR ILL JUST LEAVE
Doug Stanhope
: "Y'all want pork-chunks in your grits?" says you.
Doug Stanhope: (I'm getting to it in just a second)
wv4x4redneck1: i said mi getting off if u dont starts ucking
Doug Stanhope
: "No, pork chunks for me" says me..."I'm a vegan".
Doug Stanhope: "Guess that means you don't suck dick then" says you.
wv4x4redneck1: i f u dont start sucking in the next line im leaving
Doug Stanhope
: "Well, i can make an exception for you" says I and I start towards you and your boner.
Doug Stanhope: You take out your big curly sweet-radish dick and begin to stroke it.
wv4x4redneck1: start sucking
Doug Stanhope
: I drop to my knees as you prepare the grits on a paper plate.
Doug Stanhope: It's not so much paper as it is styrofoam with the little compartments so your peas dont get in your cornpone.
wv4x4redneck1: ok that is it im leaving
Doug Stanhope
: What is cornpone anyway?" says I
Doug Stanhope: WAIT!
Doug Stanhope: Here's the sex part!
wv4x4redneck1: stick my dick in ur moooouth or bye bye
Doug Stanhope
: I eat the grits, fuck you and go to bed.
wv4x4redneck1: at least suck my dick
Doug Stanhope
: In the morning you ask if I need a ride into town.
Doug Stanhope: "Well, I sure wouldn't mind, as I dont see a bus stop around here", says I.
wv4x4redneck1: i say ill give u one if u suck my dick now
Doug Stanhope
: We already did the sex. It's romance time.
wv4x4redneck1: just please suck my dick
Doug Stanhope
: Tell me how you will take me to the ball.
wv4x4redneck1: listen i waited for u to tell me how u would suck my idck so please jsut tell me
Doug Stanhope
: I don't suck dicks because of my affliction. I lost all of my lower jaw in the accident.
Doug Stanhope: Tell me how you will sponge off my stumps for our wedding.
Doug Stanhope: Then I will suck your ****.
wv4x4redneck1: well tell me how u stick my dick in ur pussy or someting like htat
Doug Stanhope
: I already did.
wv4x4redneck1: u didnt tell me that
Doug Stanhope
: Now sponge off my stumps.
Doug Stanhope: Yes I did.
wv4x4redneck1: bye
Doug Stanhope
: I eat the grits, fuck you and go to bed.
Doug Stanhope: See?
wv4x4redneck1: haha
wv4x4redneck1
: bye
Doug Stanhope
: WAIT!
wv4x4redneck1: no
wv4x4redneck1
: bye
Doug Stanhope
: Why won't you love me?
wv4x4redneck1: ur really tstupid
Doug Stanhope
: You want me to ... I dont know...suck your dick?
wv4x4redneck1: ur [rplly some 30 eyar old woman that cant get anything in reallife or the computer
Doug Stanhope
: Why are you being mean to me?
wv4x4redneck1: u r a liar
wv4x4redneck1
: u are a liar
Doug Stanhope
: What?
Doug Stanhope: Liar?
wv4x4redneck1: yes
wv4x4redneck1
: u lied to me
Doug Stanhope
: About what?
wv4x4redneck1: i stuck around for u to tell me how we would have sex and u give m eu XXXX and then go to bed
wv4x4redneck1
: good bye
Doug Stanhope
: I would never lie. Its against everything Jesus taught us.
Doug Stanhope: WAIT!
wv4x4redneck1: then tell me how we would have sex form start to finish with out all htat grits and stuff
wv4x4redneck1
: start with the sex and stay with the sex
Doug Stanhope
: I will let you fuck my ass if you just settle down.
wv4x4redneck1: ok
wv4x4redneck1
: start now
wv4x4redneck1
: not the ass pussy
Doug Stanhope
: Ok, I sit you down on the bed and start licking your balls.
Doug Stanhope: I take your whole cock deep into my mouth and you start to shiver.
Doug Stanhope: I pull your hands up over your head.
Doug Stanhope: I tie you belly-down on the cold basement floor.
Doug Stanhope: I stroke your cock with one hand and with the other I ready myself for fucking.
wv4x4redneck1: go faster
Doug Stanhope
: You keep your ass arched up in the air so I can get at your dick
Doug Stanhope: The site of your ass has me hard as nails.
Doug Stanhope: I take my own beautiful cock and plunge it up your ass
wv4x4redneck1: none of that
Doug Stanhope
: I start singing Yankee Doodle Dandy as I come in your ass.
wv4x4redneck1: just my dick in ur pussy
wv4x4redneck1
: now
Doug Stanhope
: My balls empty into your dirty rebel colon .
Doug Stanhope: You cry and ask why I didnt tell you I was really a man.
Doug Stanhope: "Shut up and cook us more grits" says I.
Doug Stanhope: "But you just raped my ass" says you.
Doug Stanhope: "I'm fixin to take a shit in yo mouf if you dont make me vittles" says I.
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