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Don't let the uterus beat you - Joe Rogan
Rent Money
by: Doug Stanhope
Posted: 05/31/01         Score: 3.5         Votes: 500
Don't drink the beer.
JustBNJoel: hey, it's me again
Doug Stanhope: Hi!
JustBNJoel: you still busy?
Doug Stanhope: I was cybering with this guy but he's really bad at it and I may dump him so hold on.
JustBNJoel: k
Doug Stanhope: In the meantime, tell me about yourself and start jacking off.
JustBNJoel: I would love to do that (jack off) but I'm at work so it may be a little difficult
JustBNJoel: but I'll tell you about myself
Doug Stanhope: Ok.
JustBNJoel: I'm 40, 6 foot, brown hair, blue eyes, 200 pounds, nice body, cute ass
JustBNJoel: how about you?
Doug Stanhope: 13, 4'9", 85 pounds, crew cut, big tits.
JustBNJoel: I like big tits
JustBNJoel: how long have you been a horny little girl?
Doug Stanhope: I started sucking dicks at 10 but didn't get to intercourse til 12.
JustBNJoel: at 10? wow, you must be good at it by now. why did you start then?
Doug Stanhope: Because we were getting evicted and Mr Swanson wasn't interested in my Mother.
JustBNJoel: so he wanted you instead
Doug Stanhope: She was all cruddy with the HIV at that point.
Doug Stanhope: Ya, I was the only clean one.
JustBNJoel: yikes
JustBNJoel: did it pay the rent?
Doug Stanhope: For a while.
JustBNJoel: and then?
Doug Stanhope: My brother Teddie pays it now.
Doug Stanhope: He's only 9 and it makes him cry real bad.
Doug Stanhope: So you are at work?
JustBNJoel: who do you fuck now?
Doug Stanhope: Don'tanswer my questions with questions. Its rude.
JustBNJoel: sorry, yes I'm at work
Doug Stanhope: It makes it appear that you are ignoring me.
Doug Stanhope: What kind of work do you do?
JustBNJoel: I'm not ignoring you
JustBNJoel: work in a beer brewery
Doug Stanhope: Wow, cool!
JustBNJoel: I think so
Doug Stanhope: I looove beer!
JustBNJoel: ME TOO
Doug Stanhope: It makes all the pain disappear.
JustBNJoel: most of the time
JustBNJoel: do you have a b/f?
Doug Stanhope: No. I just can't seem to keep a man.
Doug Stanhope: I get a boyfriend and as soon as he comes on me, he's gone.
JustBNJoel: that's too bad
JustBNJoel: how often do you fuck?
JustBNJoel: I don't get a lot of lovin either
Doug Stanhope: Sorry, I was taking a shit. I'm back.
Doug Stanhope: Why do you get no love?
JustBNJoel: cool, not sure. My dick may be too small
Doug Stanhope: I LOOOOOVE small cocks.
JustBNJoel: really?
JustBNJoel: better than big ones?
Doug Stanhope: Ya! They're cute like trial size shampoos.
JustBNJoel: that's true
Doug Stanhope: Big ones hurt in my ass.
JustBNJoel: I bet
Doug Stanhope: They make me all bleedy.
Doug Stanhope: How small is it?
JustBNJoel: maybe 6 inches
Doug Stanhope: Thats not small really.
Doug Stanhope: Can you get it all in a 13 yr old girls ass?
Doug Stanhope: If so, its average.
JustBNJoel: not sure, I've never tried
Doug Stanhope: Poor guy. No ass-love for Sam Adams.
Doug Stanhope: What kind of beer do you make?
JustBNJoel: haha
JustBNJoel: Miller products
Doug Stanhope: Do you actually make it or just market it?
JustBNJoel: no, it's the brewery so we make it
Doug Stanhope: Ever piss in the vat?
JustBNJoel: LOL...thought about it but never have
Doug Stanhope: Take a shit in the malt liquor to get back at the colored guy who beat you up in high school?
JustBNJoel: that's funny
JustBNJoel: why do you think older guys cyber better?
Doug Stanhope: Because all youngs say is "i wana suk ur tits" and then they toss gunk before the bait is any good.
JustBNJoel: hehe, what do you like men to do to you?
Doug Stanhope: young guys, i meant to say.
JustBNJoel: I got that
Doug Stanhope: I like it when a guy holds my head under water while he does me from behind.
Doug Stanhope: Like in front of the toilet.
JustBNJoel: that's cool, kinda exciting
Doug Stanhope: I learned that from once when I got raped at the toilet at the Vineland City Park.
JustBNJoel: hard way to learn something
Doug Stanhope: I was working a double, working glory holes in the East john when a couple gang member came in.
JustBNJoel: I see
JustBNJoel: good thing you didn't drown
Doug Stanhope: They didn't even flush the toilet first. It was full with thick scat-water.
JustBNJoel: that's pretty skanky
Doug Stanhope: I know rape is a crime of violence and not sex but I came like a hungry dogg to a whistle.
JustBNJoel: you are hilarious
Doug Stanhope: Whats your profile mean about being a southern boy too close to the mason-dixon?
JustBNJoel: I live in the north, should be back in the south
Doug Stanhope: Where in the north? Where in the south?
JustBNJoel: DC, GA
Doug Stanhope: Georgia? Wow! Were you ever turned out by hillbillies?
JustBNJoel: I am a hillbilly
JustBNJoel: I was in Deliverance
Doug Stanhope: Do you have like teeth and stuff?
JustBNJoel: most all of them
JustBNJoel: how big are your tits?
Doug Stanhope: 32 b and growing.
JustBNJoel: cool..
JustBNJoel: nice nipples?
Doug Stanhope: How big is your cock?
JustBNJoel: 6 inches and growing
Doug Stanhope:
JustBNJoel:
JustBNJoel: where are you?
Doug Stanhope: Vegas. Sin City.
JustBNJoel: awesome
Doug Stanhope: Wanna cyber?
JustBNJoel: I might could play a bit
JustBNJoel: you sure you're 13?
Doug Stanhope: I dont wanna get you in trouble at work.
JustBNJoel: I'll worry about that
Doug Stanhope: Yep, I'm 14 in two weeks.
JustBNJoel: so all these things are true you've been telling me?
Doug Stanhope: Who would make stuff like that up?
JustBNJoel: you've got a point there. I've never thought about fucking a 13 y/o
Doug Stanhope: Well, you musta got lucky IMing me then!
JustBNJoel: it appears that way
JustBNJoel: what day is your birthday?
Doug Stanhope: June 12th
JustBNJoel: mines the 13th
Doug Stanhope: No kidding??
JustBNJoel: for real
Doug Stanhope: Cool!
JustBNJoel: back atcha
JustBNJoel: do you have a picture of you that I could see?
Doug Stanhope: I cant beleive you are from Georgia and have never fucked a 13 yr old.
JustBNJoel: LOL
Doug Stanhope: No pic
JustBNJoel: oh well, that's ok
JustBNJoel: you ever fucked a 40 y/o?
Doug Stanhope: %9 year old.
Doug Stanhope: 69*
JustBNJoel: no way
Doug Stanhope: 59 I mean. Fuck I can't type today.
Doug Stanhope: Yes.
JustBNJoel: but still, 59 amazing
Doug Stanhope: He was!
Doug Stanhope: Save for the smell.
JustBNJoel: cool, did he lick your sweet little pussy?
Doug Stanhope: He was disabled. But he tried his best.
JustBNJoel: hahaha
JustBNJoel: you're killling me
Doug Stanhope: What is funny about that?
Doug Stanhope: You are a sicko!
JustBNJoel: me?......ok....so I am
JustBNJoel: you should write books, you have great stories
Doug Stanhope: I have a good sense of humor but laughing at cripples isnt funny.
JustBNJoel: I wasn't laughing at him being cripple, I was laughing at the mental image I saw of him and you
JustBNJoel: why were you fucking a 59 y/o cripple guy?
Doug Stanhope: I told you.
Doug Stanhope: Rent.
Doug Stanhope: Mr Swanson.
Doug Stanhope: Laugh it up.
JustBNJoel: oh, that's the same one
JustBNJoel: sorry
JustBNJoel: no more cripple laughing
Doug Stanhope: You are no different than the rest of them.
JustBNJoel: contrare
JustBNJoel: I am very different
JustBNJoel: do you still have to fuck for rent?
Doug Stanhope: It's not fuuny. Once his colostomy bag burst when he was on top of me and it got all in my eyes.
Doug Stanhope: funny*
Doug Stanhope: No, I told you. My brother is doing it now.
Doug Stanhope: You don't even listen to me.
JustBNJoel: not many 13 y/o's know what a colostomy bag is
JustBNJoel: I listen
Doug Stanhope: You do when one blows up in your face.
Doug Stanhope: You learn real quick.
JustBNJoel: I guess so
Doug Stanhope: Can I come live with you?
JustBNJoel: I would be put in jail
Doug Stanhope: I would say that you are my Uncle Joel.
JustBNJoel: that might work....
Doug Stanhope: And that we don't have sex, that you just beat off on my ass.
JustBNJoel: that's not as much fun as sex
JustBNJoel: you could show me how good you are at sucking dicks
Doug Stanhope: On no, we'd have sex, but I would tell the authorities that it was strictly masturbatory.
JustBNJoel: oh cool, will that keep me outta jail?
Doug Stanhope: I'm no attorney but I think so.
JustBNJoel: so I would get my dick sucked
Doug Stanhope: Sure. And finger your ass at the same time.
Doug Stanhope: Soft-knuckle your prostate til you come up poopy.
JustBNJoel: yummm
JustBNJoel: what would I do for you?
Doug Stanhope: Like I always say, You haven't really blown a load til someones got corn under their fingernail.
Doug Stanhope: Actually Dave Fulton said that, but whatever.
JustBNJoel: funny...
Doug Stanhope: What would you do for me?
Doug Stanhope: Um...
Doug Stanhope: Feed and clothe me.
Doug Stanhope: Show me a world outside of this desert bunker of rape, beenie-weenies and cruel abandonment.
Doug Stanhope: We could do a phoner if you want.
Doug Stanhope: Are you still there?
JustBNJoel: I'm here
JustBNJoel: someone came in my office
Doug Stanhope: Ok.
JustBNJoel: a phoner might be nice
Doug Stanhope: Whats your number?
Doug Stanhope: I can make you come in 90 seconds!
JustBNJoel: I can't let you call me here, I'll call you
JustBNJoel: 90 seconds, that's longer than I've ever lasted
Doug Stanhope: Heehee!
JustBNJoel:
Doug Stanhope: But you can't call me. My stepfather would pick up the phone downstairs and then I'd be in a world of hurt.
JustBNJoel: ok, don't want to get you in trouble
Doug Stanhope: If I had a dollar for every time he stuck a curling iron in my ass, I'd take that money and go play Bingo.
JustBNJoel: ouch
Doug Stanhope: So you want me to call you at home later?
JustBNJoel: not a good idea either
Doug Stanhope: Why, are you married?
JustBNJoel: no
JustBNJoel: I have roomates
JustBNJoel: 2 lesbians I share a condo with
Doug Stanhope: Wow, do you ever get to see them gouge each others hair-clams?
Doug Stanhope: Now thats something I could jack off to!
JustBNJoel: I can hear them sometimes and I've asked them if I could watch or join in
Doug Stanhope: I'm gonna like living with you.
JustBNJoel: it depends on how drunk they are sometimes they let me
Doug Stanhope: Neat!
Doug Stanhope: Do you know where the bus station is near you?
JustBNJoel: one of them is really hot, the other not so much
JustBNJoel: not sure
Doug Stanhope: I have Greyhound on the phone.
JustBNJoel: one way ticket to muffville
Doug Stanhope: Muffville? Is that District of Columbia or Maryland?
JustBNJoel: that's at the Y
Doug Stanhope: They say they dont go there.
JustBNJoel: a lot of people don't
Doug Stanhope: The ticket is 121 dollars to DC. I will take it out of my Stepfathers meth money and you can pay me back when I get there.
JustBNJoel: I'm actually a 14 y/o boy who lives with my parents
Doug Stanhope: Thats not funny.
JustBNJoel: it wasn't meant to be funny
Doug Stanhope: Well where will I live?
JustBNJoel: I can keep you in my room, but you'd have to be really quiet when we fuck
Doug Stanhope: Ok. Who will bring me free beer from work?
JustBNJoel: we can steal it from the fridge in the basement
Doug Stanhope: Ok. Who will take my cock into his mouth and ass anytime a feel unwanted?
Doug Stanhope: You?
Doug Stanhope: How sweet!
Doug Stanhope: Who will lay naked on a cold cement floor, strewn with push-pins while I squat over him, fat, white and hairy-assed, and void the conents of my colon over his baby-rapist face while my aging scrotum hangs down on his chin?
Doug Stanhope: You?
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